dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
