My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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