Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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