Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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