Apparently you make a good broom.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
sex in a hospital.. check
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
