Midget sex pt 2 tonight
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
