did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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