I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
there is puke in my bra ... again
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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