1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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