Welp...herpes.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
