so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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