Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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