how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
