I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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