Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
