so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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