so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize