I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
