Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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