Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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