Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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