he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
