I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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