piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
