how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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