I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
