Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
A+ Viking dick
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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