i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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