You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
