He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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