Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
