I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
