walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize