Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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