well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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