she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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