How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
