I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
