That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I didn't notice because vodka
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
