I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
