I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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