i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize