Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
