physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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