i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
