he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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