its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
