I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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