All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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