My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
