he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
me + whiskey = a bad person
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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