Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
