pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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