i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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