he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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