I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
