That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
