They should really pass out barf bags in church
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
