wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize