even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
