i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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