I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
ok first of all what the fuck
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
