youre lurking in front of me
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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