I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
