We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
