now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
