I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
