That's intense
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
