I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
