so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
