so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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