paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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