note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she smelled like a LAN party
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
