I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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