I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
