My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
