You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
