Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
