Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do vagina's smell?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
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