Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
