Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
