so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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