last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
