now i know why i became what i already was.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
