Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
