i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
