I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
