I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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