new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
