I can text with my tongue
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
