I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize