I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
