I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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