She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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