i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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