Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
