I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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