remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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