i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
