My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I touched a dick in church today
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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