I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize