he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
