now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
