he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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