every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
