Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
