Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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