The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
